Tag Archives: mom

Our Legacy. Our Kids.

27 Feb

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I guess it’s just a fact that it takes death to appreciate life. My friend, Lisa, died suddenly- she was only forty- left behind two beautiful children. What is at least a bit of comfort to all who know her  is her children. Lisa lives on through her kids.  They are her legacy.

It’s true that there are those who live beyond their years through their actions- leaders, inventors, innovators.  But in reality that is only a small fraction of us.  Everyone else lives on through children.  The impact we make on our kids lasts generations through all time.

Living for our kids and defining ourselves through our children has somehow managed to become something really bad. A sign of parents who don’t know how to have their own life.  A sign of parents who are somehow imbalanced.   Being proud that your child does well as if it’s your own accomplishment is mocked.

I think we’re wrong.  Ultimately, we are judged by our actions and the fruits of our labor.  Ultimately, we live on through our children and their children.  What’s so bad about wrapping ourselves in our children’s lives? Are we afraid to face their failures as our own?  Are we afraid that as they grow, we will be left behind, unable to grow with them?

Lisa, I will always remember your incredibly infectious laugh.  Sorry you had to go so soon.  May you live on through your legacy.  Thank you for reminding me what an extraordinary role moms play as we bring children into this world and raise them.

 

 

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Myth Buster: The Perfect Balance

21 Feb

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Balancing work and home life is what we all strive for: we multi-task, we organize, we cut to the chase, we learn the tricks.  But you know what?  Having that perfect balance is an urban myth.

Let’s think about this for a minute.  Balancing by its nature is risky business.  Tightrope walkers balance, gymnasts balance, window washers balance.  This isn’t for everyone.  Sure most of us can walk a balance beam six inches from the ground but to walk it four feet up and do tricks while we’re at it?

And that’s exactly what we expect from ourselves.  To have it all – walk that balance beam and do tricks while we’re at it.  A few of us will succeed.  Most of us will fail.  We may think we are handling the job, the kids, the home, the man but really all it takes is a sick day to knock us down.  If we’re down long enough and honest with ourselves, we’ll see we’re really not doing such a great job of juggling all the balls while walking a narrow beam.  At most maybe we’re holding on to one ball, have one in our pocket and dropped the others- that are conveniently bouncing up and down off the beam giving the illusion that we’re the ones juggling.

Yet we all buy into the myth:  balance is attainable.  Maybe it’s better to do one thing at a time rather than pretend we can balance it all.  The sooner we come to terms with that, the less likely for us to fall and break a leg or worse, drop a ball that simply rolls out of sight.

Thank you to my friend Jerry for exposing the myth to me.

Not a Helicopter Mom

19 Feb
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  • There was a while there my 11 year old would go and sit on the roof ledge for some peace and quite.  He actually put a pillow on the roof while he sat and read.
  • When his kindergarten teacher asked me to get a folder for my son, I turned to my five year old and told him it’s his job to get one at home and if he doesn’t have it the next day, his teacher would not be happy.  I think his teacher would’ve reported me, if she could have.
  • We have five minutes to get out of the house . . . Each of my kids have come out without shoes at least once.  But after that, they were ready . . .
  • It’s 30 degrees out- my kids go to school in shorts and no winter jacket.
  • Mattress Surfing down the steps- how cool is that?
  • Homework is nonnegotiable.  They must help around the house . . . they do that sometimes.
  • And yes, I have a son with a nut allergy and we still have them in the house.  The horror!

I believe kids should be kids.  They need to experience life and live it to it’s fullest.  They need to learn to navigate some challenges on their own.  They may get some cuts and bruises along the way, but the lessons they learn will serve them a lifetime.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t pray to God to give me the wisdom to do the best by each of my kids.  For as soon as I became a mom, I realized there is no way mere mortals alone can face the wrath of crying babies or hormoned teens. Here’s to us moms on the front lines. . .