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Our Legacy. Our Kids.

27 Feb

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I guess it’s just a fact that it takes death to appreciate life. My friend, Lisa, died suddenly- she was only forty- left behind two beautiful children. What is at least a bit of comfort to all who know her  is her children. Lisa lives on through her kids.  They are her legacy.

It’s true that there are those who live beyond their years through their actions- leaders, inventors, innovators.  But in reality that is only a small fraction of us.  Everyone else lives on through children.  The impact we make on our kids lasts generations through all time.

Living for our kids and defining ourselves through our children has somehow managed to become something really bad. A sign of parents who don’t know how to have their own life.  A sign of parents who are somehow imbalanced.   Being proud that your child does well as if it’s your own accomplishment is mocked.

I think we’re wrong.  Ultimately, we are judged by our actions and the fruits of our labor.  Ultimately, we live on through our children and their children.  What’s so bad about wrapping ourselves in our children’s lives? Are we afraid to face their failures as our own?  Are we afraid that as they grow, we will be left behind, unable to grow with them?

Lisa, I will always remember your incredibly infectious laugh.  Sorry you had to go so soon.  May you live on through your legacy.  Thank you for reminding me what an extraordinary role moms play as we bring children into this world and raise them.

 

 

Why Can’t We Judge?

25 Feb

images-1I went to a party the other day. My friend had one too many to drink and was having a blast dancing with a couple of guys- all married, while her husband stood back and tried not to watch.  I want to judge.  Does that make me a horrible person?  It’s not that I want to condemn my friend.  It’s not that I think that I am so much better.

But, I think that once we lay off of judging completely, we somehow also lose sight of our values.  Is it so horrible to say that someone is doing it wrong?  Sure, I may not know the whole story.  Maybe, she had a hell of a day- boy can I relate.  Maybe, her husband does the same thing.  Oh and by the way, who says what she did was so wrong?

I don’t know.  I’m just not buying this not judging stuff.  I think she was wrong. I’d like to turn to my kids and say- no way are you going to do that.  Uncool. Getting drunk and dancing with married men, while you are married too?  Nope.  It may not make me hip. But, the flip side of not judging means not standing up for values.

I know you disagree.  Tell me why. Thanks.