Why Can’t We Judge?

25 Feb

images-1I went to a party the other day. My friend had one too many to drink and was having a blast dancing with a couple of guys- all married, while her husband stood back and tried not to watch.  I want to judge.  Does that make me a horrible person?  It’s not that I want to condemn my friend.  It’s not that I think that I am so much better.

But, I think that once we lay off of judging completely, we somehow also lose sight of our values.  Is it so horrible to say that someone is doing it wrong?  Sure, I may not know the whole story.  Maybe, she had a hell of a day- boy can I relate.  Maybe, her husband does the same thing.  Oh and by the way, who says what she did was so wrong?

I don’t know.  I’m just not buying this not judging stuff.  I think she was wrong. I’d like to turn to my kids and say- no way are you going to do that.  Uncool. Getting drunk and dancing with married men, while you are married too?  Nope.  It may not make me hip. But, the flip side of not judging means not standing up for values.

I know you disagree.  Tell me why. Thanks.


3 Responses to “Why Can’t We Judge?”

  1. bretagnebk February 25, 2013 at 4:53 pm #

    Why would you assume that your readers disagree?

    Do you feel guilty for judging her? Are you judging HER or her ACTIONS.

    I do not condone a lot of actions that come from people that I love, but what causes me to still love them? I do not judge them, I consider their actions. In situations like this it is important to not take away from the good things someone has to offer. Even good people make poor/ WRONG decisions.

    I do think she was very wrong. Who cares how her day was. However, she may have been so drunk that she did not realize what she was doing. Which on her part is not good, but for her husband to stand back and watch and do nothing when he is the leader in the relationship makes his actions half as bad as hers. He should have acknowledged that she was drunk and left the party with her. The next morning it would have been appropriate for him to sit with her and discuss how disrespectful she had been and that he did not appreciate her behavior nor will he tolerate it.

    I think you should stand up for moral principles that you are instilling in your children. Try not to condemn the person who does the opposite. Just embrace that you are not like them. To do otherwise would suggest that you have nothing to be judged.

    • halehresnick February 25, 2013 at 5:33 pm #

      Why do I assume people disagree? Maybe, it’s how people laugh along and say- oh she’s having fun. Maybe, it’s how not just her husband but really not a single friend stops her. Maybe, it’s how she seems so sure of what she is doing making everyone else seem just a bit uptight.

      There are those who agree with me. But our silence and quite whispers just let’s it be. I know I’m not alone in this. Yet when we try not to judge- that silences us. I guess sometimes it’s good- who wants to hear what we are doing wrong in someone else’e eye. But sometimes, keeping our mouth shut- doesn’t do any good.

      • bretagnebk February 25, 2013 at 5:43 pm #

        You do not have to keep your mouth shut. In my opinion speaking out doesn’t mean you are judging. It means that you do not agree. Judging the person is one thing judging their actions is another.

        Hope this helps.

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